true kl-london sad story

assalamualaikum.

good morning dear good friends,

in past 1, 2 days ago i am not in a good mood. i am stress with things that i simply cant be able to handle. there is one time, i think i am useless/looser. just imagine i am still jobless, gotta personal probs and hurm what not.. difficulty in this relationship.

i used to pretend, i is ok. i never takes things seriously cause i am afraid with wrinkles and etc.

alhamdulillah, after chit chat with fsil i gain stronger cause i know i will never walk alone. i am grateful cause i still have my family, his family, my sweetheart even tho he's always busy, bffs and b2b/ex b2b/ silent readers.

on top of that, you all have brighten my day. thanks.

i am sorry, below is one true kl-london sad story. a not so long story which make sense in this friday morning. the author makes me realize that i need to appreciate my life as much as i can cause we never knows what would be next.

she lost her husband. such she lost everything in her entire life. i just finish read it and cant help myself to burst my tears too. ya Allah, i pray the best for her life and her daugter, kyra. wish she is stronger to live her life.

i share because i care:

"Assalamualaikum...today,22th of December,my late husband selamat disemadikan di Earlham Cemetery,Muslim section.Syukur kerana walaupun uk nie bukanlah negara Islam,tapi Muslim section di cemetery telah diletakkan di kawan yang menghadap Qiblat..Subhanallah...

I woke up early today,took a bath,drink something to give me energy..Then went of to Gordon Barber Funeral home to wait for the washing...I got to see him before and after washing.I kissed his face,kissed his hands,asked for forgiveness,and kiss his foot.Told Him that he's gonna be alright,told him that he will be missed,told him how much I loved him...that I will see him one day..:(

Both me and Kyra shed tears..She was crying..it breaks my heart,never occured to me dia kan menjadi anak yatim at the age of 9..Pity her :(.Then after almost an hour,the washing is done.I've been informed that the process went smoothly,his body was soft..I know that as when I hold his hands,its very soft..He was really clean...It somehow calmed me down..I don't know where I got the strength to stand up and see him for the last time before they close him up...

Me and Kyra accompany him in the jenazah car to the mosque..Alhamdulillah,ramai Muslims yang berebut2 membantu,mengangkat keranda,dan menyembahyangkan.Ada yang personally said the condolences and give me some donations.At around 1pm,we moved to the cemetery which is 5 mins away from my uni.I stayed in the car while the men do the grave..Once again,berebut orang nak pegang shovel and helped..My husband's colleague yang non muslim pon datang to pay the last respect and bring flowers.

I didn't cry at all at the grave as I don't wanna torture him inside.I stand there blankly,thinkin whether its a dream or not..I recite fatihah for him twice.I remembered about the 7 langkah selepas orang meninggalkan jenazah,then hoping I could stay there as long as it takes,so my husbands not gonna be along.I prayed that the malaikat is nice to him. I hope that he can answer all the malaikat's question..I really do..Yes,I'm still not sane enough..At that time,I really hope that if I be there,he won't have to answer the malaikat..yes,again.I was not sane enought that time..:(

It was snowing..and cold when the burial took place..so,to menyedapkan my hati,I pretend the snow is like the hujan rahmat.Alhamdulillah,He left the world on Friday...Syukur sangat..I'm still in very much pain..A pain no one knows except me...A pain that I don't know when it can heal..

Di kesmpatan ini,I really want to thank everyone..I mean everyone yang tak putus-putus memberi semangat,kata-kata perangsang,membantu pengurusan jenazah dan menderma wang ringgit.Saya tak mengenali kalian,tapi kalian bermurah hati menderma untuk arwah suami saya.Saya sangat terharu.Saya tak mampu membalas budi dan jasa baik kalian.Hanya Allah sahaja dapat membalasnya.Saya doakan agar kalian dimurahkan rezeki hendaknya...Saya dan anak,Kyrana sangat-sangat menghargai segala pertolongan kalian.

Cinta,I did my best...the best that I can..untuk menyempurnakan urusan pengebumian abang..Mama doakan semoga abang tenang di sana,mengahadap pencipta.Janganlah abang risau,mama akan jaga anak kita dengan sehabis daya mama.Akan mama didik dia dengan ilmu agama dan duniawi,agar dia menjadi anak yang solehah.Selamat beradu sayang,insya Allah kita kan berjumpa lagi di alam yang kekal abadi..Dunia hanyalah sementara,namun,cinta suci adalah untuk selamanya...Mama redhakan pemergianmu,walau dalam rintihan..Maafkan mama,kerana tulus menyintaimu...Al-Fatihah..."

p/s: i just text him, 'NakCakap,ILoveYou.Sangat-sangatCintaSampaiSakitPedihLuka-luka.TetapCinta'. huhu <-have you ever feels, you love him so much until deep down there its really hurts.. err. or i am abnormal?

yours truly,